Anger and Tears – The strong relationship

How many among us have hated that moment when, all of a sudden, our anger turned into tears? 

Have we not cried to communicate our anger as infants?

Is it not better to cry than holding anger back within ourselves which can cause a volcanic outburst soon?

When we are angry on someone, is it not logical for them to cry hearing our words rather than we crying scolding them?

Is crying a sign of weakness or strength?

What is that queer relationship between anger and tears?

Anger and Tears – The basic relationship

Our interpretations and assessments about others or given situations make us feel emotional. We humans have baseless fears explicitly or in a secretive manner. Such fears surfaces when we ‘feel’ something or someone is a threat to us. We try to defend ourselves as a protective measure and end up shedding tears feeling sorry for our own plight. We shed tears mostly because we strongly feel that we don’t deserve a particular word or treatment.

Anger, in reality, is not an original emotion. We become angry whenever we experience some sort of pain. We become angry when the pain we experience is felt by our inner self in a deep manner. The normal thoughts, then, becomes anger triggering ones while the pain we experience brings out tears on its behalf. 

Anger is an alternate emotion

Most of the times, when we feel angry, it is not really anger that takes over us. This is what we mean when we say ‘anger is an alternate emotion’. Let us see how.

We feel angry so we do not experience the pain that triggers the anger. We find it easy to handle anger since it is to do with others. We feel it is necessary to protect ourselves from experiencing the pain – since it is to do with our own selves. Anger here is a substitute for pain.

Being angry is an excellent strategy to distract oneself from the trigger that causes anger. For instance, when we experience pain, we simply plough into the same for a long period of time. However, when we become angry on others, we tend to get out of the clutches of pain. This is predominantly a focus shift from self to others. Anger here is a substitute for focus or attention.

Pain is caused due to some realistic situation that hurts. Pain is caused when you are frightened about a situation that makes you feel extremely vulnerable. Anger acts as smoke screen for people who feel vulnerable or threatened due to realistic situations. Being angry temporarily rids us of the reality, which makes us feel relieved and safe. Anger here is a substitute for vulnerability.

When we are angry about someone or something, it gives us a feeling of righteousness, even if what we feel is incorrect actually. Being angry makes our ‘self’ feel powerful and superior over the other. Anger makes us feel that the other person who has hurt is wrong (without an iota of doubt) and so they deserve to be punished. Anger here is a substitute for the feeling of guilt

This is why we say, anger, in reality, is not an original emotion.

Tears have volume (sound)

How many of us know that tears have volume? To understand this, we need to understand how really tears are produced.

Tear production – The physical process

Lacrimal Gland is where the tear is usually produced

This gland is situated in between the eye lid and eyeball causing a water film in the eyes when tear is produced

When we blink with tears on the surface of the eyes, the tears get out in two ways

(1) Rolling on our cheeks - externally

(2) Through Lactrimal Punctum inside the nose - internally

When water in the eyes gets out through the second way (Lacrimal Punctum), it comes out of the nose. This is why water oozes out of our nose when we cry.

The Hypothalamus in the Limbic system in the brain links our emotions to this ‘natural inbuilt shower’ called tears, which are caused by the Lacrimal Drainage System.

During this process, breathing undergoes variation causing sobs from the throat termed as ‘Globus sensation’.

The ‘Lacrimal Drainage System’ responds to the ‘sobbing’ sound, producing more tears as an equal and powerful reaction. This way, Sobbing is the actual volume (sound) of tears. 

Tears are actually beneficial

Crying offers many benefits to us. Many of us use it as a weapon to get things done in our favor – to our liking. Jokes apart, tears are produced for various reasons like physical pain, stress, sadness, anger or pleasure.

The field of Psychology terms tears that act as a natural painkiller as ‘Psychic Tears’.

‘Leucine Enkephalin’ is the technical term used to point out the ‘relieved feeling’ we experience after crying every time. In simple terms, it is a pointer as to why we feel better after crying.

Tears - strength or weakness

For many, crying means weakness. Is that really so?

**** Tears are, in reality, positive reinforcement of who we actually are

**** Tears exhibit the honest deep attachments we have with things and people

**** Tears are ‘psychology changers’ – from negative to positive

When you cry in a situation in which you need to be angry, it means you feel so profoundly deep about the person concerned or the situation you are in. Tears actually come from your heart and so are filled with sincerity. Tears are wipers that help you see the world in front of you with higher levels of clarity. Allow yourself to cry probably you have been too strong for very long.

Crying when you are angry is a natural phenomenon. Don’t feel you are weak when you do so. However, if you feel that makes others look down upon you as a weakling, learn ‘tear controlling’ techniques. Talk to your ‘self’ that you will not cry at any cost. At the same time, talk only what you need to talk before you reach the probable ‘bursting out’ time frame.

Exercising control on crying as well as in the words you speak when you are angry, will drive your point through to the other person in an emphatic manner - without hurting them in any way. 

Remember, tears cleanses the heart easily more than anything else. Cry to your heart’s content, till the tears bring that ‘signature smile’ of yours to your face.