Don't hold grudges - Make them irrelevant

Holding grudges against people and forgiving the ones who caused the damage are both equally tough. We grew up hearing people say forgiving those who wronged us is godliness.

Why is that holding grudges come to us so naturally despite the fact that they damage us in many ways?

Why are we finding it difficult to forgive people despite such forgiveness helping us shed the load off our mind?

What makes us harp on grudges remembering facts in a precise manner despite having a low memory otherwise?

If forgiving is so tough, is there any alternative available so we can live the peaceful life we deserve?

Is forgiving mandatory and does it have any connection with self respect?

If you are right in your judgment about their wrong doings in the past, is it not a perfect reason for you to live your present life to its fullest?

If you feel that the mistakes and wrongdoings are not on your part, is it not logical that those who did it must be left back in the past and not you?

Grudges are memoirs of the poisonous past

Grudges, in reality, are nothing but the resentful memories we carry from our disagreeable past. The irony however is that we have already lived that ‘past’ experiencing the bitterness that has numbed our taste buds for life. Grudges which are but the impact that the past bitterness(es) have caused in our mind, alters our thought process to devastating levels.  We humans are ruled by thoughts that originate from our mind. This makes grudges occupy a major portion of our personality in an easy and involuntary manner.

Grudges have the capacity to haunt us more than even the evil spirits do. Warding off evil spirits is easier than getting rid of grudges though both are internal. Living in the past makes you an exception in a negative way since every successful person around you have already traveled away from their past to live their current life happily. Consciously awaken yourself for a few moments and just look around yourself. You will realize to your shock that even those who created the pain to you have walked past you, leaving you to struggle in the past.

Understand that when you love someone with all your heart, forgiving is a child’s play. When you find it difficult to forgive someone, probably you were either overly possessive or the relationship did not matter to you at all. When you are overly possessive about someone, your inner self believes them so much that the slightest of letting down hurts you deeply. You find it difficult to forgive them. When the relationship did not matter to you, their mistake causes anger in you making it difficult for you to forgive them. Either way, possessiveness that fosters positive relationship and anger that cultivates negative relationships stay back in our mind permanently in the form of Grudges.

Forgiving – Child’s play or Herculean task

Forgiving becomes a child’s play when we sincerely want someone in our life till we live. These are the relationships that we are overly possessive about. When we forgive someone, it does not remain an action from our side after something is over. It displays our attitude to the ones we love reinforcing our sincerity towards their relationship. Here, forgiving acts as a tool to strengthen relationships that are significant for us with those who consider us important.

There are other relationships which we find difficult to forgive. Do not force yourself to forgive such relationships for two reasons. One, how much ever you try, you will never succeed in forgiving such relationships completely. Second, even if you convince yourself that you have forgiven them for what they did in the past, it is falsity. That has not happened. You despised such relationships carrying grudges about them for a reason that is strongly etched in your subconscious. Yes it is true that it requires enormous strength to forgive those who wronged you. However, do not go out of the way and hurt yourself in the process. Forgive if you can. Else move away to a safe distance from the grudges and the people who caused the same.

Do not pick up phone calls from your past

Avoid attending phone calls you receive from your past. Refuse to allow the shadows of your past ruin the light at your doorstep. If someone has pulled you down in the past so much that you are unable to forgive them, respect your feelings. Let them remain only in your past and not in your present or future. Move away from such people making them irrelevant to your life. 

Do not allow yourself to stay back in the past for the mistake of others. Make yourself comfortable with your present so your future is completely under your control. Grudges, in reality, make us waste precious moments of our present life. Pull yourself out of the anger and frustration your grudges have created in your mind. Push your grudges out into the milky-way by making the people who caused the same irrelevant. Unless you make them irrelevant you will remain only a second choice for yourself.

Unsearched future remains an unwritten one

We live in a digital world surrounded by electronic devices and applications that have made our physical activities hit the ground level. Many among us mechanically run the race of life retiring safely in the conventional manner.

How many of us stop by during our middle age to think about our contribution to life instead of lamenting what life has done to us?

Have we ever thought about contributing to the mankind in our own unique way, pulling ourselves out of the cocoon we are entangled in?

Have we ever mentally engaged ourselves to think beyond our limited relationships so we bring about changes at least in few unknown lives?

Self reflection is the mother of mental development

Passages in time contain precious memories that are worth retaining for a life time. When we self reflect on our past in an honest manner, we tend to feel that the only thing that really makes sense is our past. Many of the past happenings make us feel silly and embarrassing. We feel we could have responded instead of reacting. This is the brilliant effect the concept of ageing has on our mental attributes.  

Honest self reflection teaches us many things that we ought to have learnt in the past but missed to do so. These are the lessons that have cost our past life if one has to lament anything about the same. These lessons act as the strong foundation for our new future if only we have an open mind to learn and put them into practice.

Honest self reflection offers high scope to develop our mental faculties in the most pragmatic manner. Self reflection is an opportunity that life offers us free of cost to mend our ways in the future to come.

Design your future… reinvent your life

Life, in reality, is absolutely a delicate affair. It is highly unpredictable. Taking something for granted today may cost us our happiness tomorrow. Nothing happens without a reason and every reason has a connection to our past. By the time we realize this link between our past and the present, most of us reach the fag end of our life.

An unwritten poem fails to create a Poet  

An unbuilt structure fails to create an Architect

An unsung song fails to create a Singer

An unplanned future fails to create an Achiever

As we browse through the pages of our past life, we need to learn the crucial lessons it offers to design our future life. When we live our current life in a mechanical manner without revisiting our past life or planning for our future life, time starts the designing work all by itself. Our future life also falls in its hands as did our past and present life. We remain chained blaming fate and people around us for the plight we experience in our future too, which is then our present.

Unsearched future remains an unwritten one

Uttering the word water does not quench the thirst. All through our life we have dreaded condemnation so much that our thirst for approval remained unquenched. We constantly wait for acknowledgement from others losing our own individuality in the process.

We remain chained to many things even if the same are irrelevant to our current life situations. We live the life that comes our way and hopefully will do the same in the future also. Unfortunately, an unplanned future fails to create a good life.

No one creates our life for us. We are responsible for designing the same. Unless we realize this, we stagnate like stinking water in the gutter. We tend to remain in the same position we were in the past or we are in today.

Be the author of your future

Sit in a lonely place. Think about where you have been in your life, where you are right now and where you want to travel in the future to come. Think about those things that you loved doing as you grew up and understand which of those you miss in your current life. Then, your ‘self’ that is yearning to interact with you will make you understand what you have to be doing.

Do what you are passionate about. Do that which is highly gratifying. Let people think you are crazy. Never mind. Ultimately it is your thirst that needs to be quenched. When your mind calms down interacting with you in a constant manner, you experience the best version of yourself. This is when you will start celebrating your life witnessing immense value in the same. As you start seeing the value of your life, it will offer you infinite number of reasons to celebrate the same. Your life will become a perpetual celebration and you will become the author of your future.

Write your future. Be the author and hero yourself. Remember, unsearched future remains an unwritten one.