When you fear criticism… you fear progress

Why is it that we keep talking one thing or the other about people connected 
and not connected to us?

Is it right to ignore people who say our food needs salt when they do not know to cook?

Is there anything we can do to keep away from criticisms at all points of time? If yes, what is that?

Is every critic really a hater?

Is it wise to get ruined by flattery than get safeguarded by criticism?

Criticism and negativity have become invincible parts of our life. Still, have we ever paused to ponder over the above questions so our life can get better even with negative characters around us? Such questions can also be an eye opener for us, if we are an unproductive criticizer ourselves.

Criticism – The different types

Criticism means belittling. Most criticisms we face in life falls in this category. We tend to criticize even things that are really good mainly because our focus is on the source that generated the idea. If the source is something that we despise, we criticize even the most brilliant idea generated. In this case, it is not the idea our criticism is all about. It is simply our undaunted focus in belittling the person concerned. Probably a chance we were waiting for long. It is during such times that we forget - to belittle others, we need to be that little.

The next category of criticism is to blame others for nothing really big. Such criticisms start on a very low key like mockery and cracking silly jokes. As time passes, the resentment increases spiraling the relationship in a downward movement. The person who criticizes gets the satisfaction of having an upper hand and underestimates the power of the person being criticized. Such criticisms are mostly baseless and are made more so due to impressions formed in their minds through hear say. On the other hand, the person who gets criticized starts feeling the heat over a period of time. This develops a sense of frustration breaking the relationship permanently forever.

The third category of criticism is nothing but adamance. People who fall in this category have no ambiguities regarding their way of thinking, working, talking. They are absolutely convinced that things need to be done only in a particular fashion and they follow the same. Such criticizers consider themselves as well informed and continue doing what they have been doing for years without revisions. Criticizers in this category close their eyes to reality, refusing to update themselves to the current trends and changing scenarios. All those who do not adhere to their outdated rules are considered as outcasts and criticized for their approach. This in turn irritates prudent people who feel they are keeping up with the realistic pace. The relationship falls apart.

The fourth category of criticism is mostly based on derailing the otherwise perfect tracks. Such criticisms, again, are solely focused in spoiling an existing system that actually makes the criticizer feel awe struck. They keep playing the blame game through every interaction of theirs, being taken over by the green eyed monster that resides deep within them. In reality, such criticizers do not provide any value adding criticisms but constantly play blame games.

Are criticisms really criticisms?

Not all criticisms are real criticisms. However, it solely depends on where it originates from. Someone who is good in men and matters judgment can easily identify the difference between mere blames and constructive criticisms. Constructive criticisms are very close to value adding feedback, which pave way for improvement and real development. When we approach criticism with an open mind, we develop. Fear for criticism is basically a fear for progression.

Irrespective of whether criticisms paves way for development or just remain blame games, the general human tendancy is to react instantaneously on hearing someone say something. When we understand what criticism is all about in simple terms, the next time someone criticizes us, we will learn to bifurcate their intention in a clearer manner. Any criticism has two elements which basically humans hate. Let us look at these two elements from the criticizer’s point of view and the mental attributes of the criticized.

When criticism happens….

The criticizer expects the other person to submit or give up

The criticized displays the general tendency and resists submission

The criticizer’s intention is to demean or devalue the criticized

The criticized despises to be devalued

Criticism - The psychological perspective

Looking at the points given above, one thing is clear. The criticizer is constantly suffering from a feeling of insecurity which makes him feel better when someone submits to him. When the other person submits to the criticizer, it fosters this attitude further in him and he tends to develop criticism as a habit.

People who criticize others in a constant manner mostly might have suffered rejection during their childhood. They might have grown in a lonely environment which made them suppress their negative feelings inside them. As they grow up, such suppression tend to form as frustrations and they start spitting out the same on every passerby. People who have experienced criticisms or corrections in a constant manner during their childhood, however soft-pedaled they are, have very low self worth. This creates a sense of insecurity in them. Instead of feeling stronger experiencing many hardships in life, such people start seeking solace in making others feel weak.

 

Many among us criticize others mainly due to our feeling of being disrespected or neglected by someone whom we expected to behave otherwise. The basic reason for such criticisms is more so our expectations from them and not really their fault that our criticisms actually portray.

One main problem with negative people is that they mostly criticize without understand things inside out. Just because they are used to talking they continue to do what they are good at. Many times, boredom fosters criticism. After all, an idle mind is a devil’s workshop.

Criticism in a nut shell - Are we doing this?

When we talk about something, it is feedback. When others talk, they are 

critical

When we feel strong about something, we are firm. When others feel the 

same way, they are stubborn

When we adjust to situations and people, we are being flexible. When others 

behave that way they are wishy-washy

When we yell over something, we are emotional. When others do, they are 

hysterical.

Remember, not all whom we despise are really bad and all that they say are wrong. Many a time, our opinion about the other person distorts our vision, making their value adding feedback a valueless one. On the contrary, if we come across people whose veins transports criticism instead of blood, it is better for us to remain at an arm’s length. The lesser our response is to argumentative, critical and rude people, the more are the chances for us to experience peace in life.

When we learn to ignore destructive criticism we foster the habit of constructive criticism in us. Our critics remain critics all through their life making us master the habit of moving forward acting on our goals. Pity those destructive critics who know the route to their destination but depends on others to drive their car.

The best way to handle criticism is

    **** Disregard when it is untrue

          **** Move away when it is unfair

          **** Smile when it is out of ignorance

          **** Learn if it is justified

Remember, when we remain a zero no one criticizes us. Criticisms are like ECG reports. Waves in the ECG report indicate that we are still alive. Criticisms indicate that we are moving in the right direction.