Being selfish.... Why are we afraid?

Answer these questions first with complete honesty. The answer for each question may be different or the same.  

Who is that single person in life to whom you want to say ‘Sorry’ for something you had done or probably not done?

Who is that soul to whom you want to say ’Thank you’ for all the good that they have done to you till date?

Who is the person whom you like the most in life? Why?

Who is that human being who has acted as your main source of inspiration whenever you were in deep waters?

Who is that one acquaintance who made you realize that he or she is your ‘alter ego’ - in the perfect sense of the word?

Who is that one friend who has been with you throughout the up and downs of your life?

Who is the person whose attitude has astonished you wanting you to develop the same in yourself?

The threatening reality

The world around us is constantly trying to mould us into a different personality every passing moment. We keep moving wildly between two extremities like a pendulum that remains unsettled most of the times. We believe in certain basic values and have them fixed as our principles for our life. We feel happy when situations permit us to abide by the same and feel lost when we are disallowed to stand by our principles. Life forces many things on us that we do not really relish. We carry them on our shoulders just because that is the way they have been handled in the past.

We remain confined throughout our life to systems incorporated by other individuals, silently experiencing the imprisonment with all bitterness. When we try to pull ourselves from such confinement, we are termed non-adhering to the virtues set by the ‘individualistic others’. The fear of being termed as an ‘ardent follower of vices’ forces us to blindly accept certain things depriving us of the guts to question the same. At the end of the day, when we turn back to look behind, we feel flabbergasted at the sight of many faces in our life. The only face that seems to be missing is our own one.

The Sad truth - Lost individuality

Is it not true that many among us live a life defined by others, compromising on the terms we want to live our life on?

Are we really thinking our own thoughts or just keep munching others’ opinions forced on us?

When was the last that you sat quietly in a place admiring your own strengths that has traveled with you throughout your life journey till then?

Are we really enjoying the absolute freedom that ‘individuality’ offers?

Is it not true that we feel afraid to emphatically say “I want to be this” for the fear of becoming an outcast or termed as ‘selfish’?

Is being ‘self’ish a sin?

When we are questioned who ‘we’ are, ‘we’ tell a single syllable which is but our name. ‘We’ have never ever informed the names of all those who are around us when our name was asked. This is a pointer to the fact that ‘we’ are actually ‘individuals’. ‘We’ eat for our hunger not others’. ‘We’ sleep when our physical and mental body wants to be cut off from the routine – not others’. ‘We’ breathe when ‘we’ want to continue living – not others. When ‘we’ die, we get buried or burnt – not others. 

When it all starts with us, the word ‘we’ that is pluralistic in nature takes a singular tone. Is this not a pointer that we have everything inside us – in fact more than what is found externally around us? Do we focus so much into our internal world as much as we do on the external one? If we say we do focus, we will be termed as ‘selfish’? If we don’t focus internally on ourselves, we are disrespecting our self that has more than what is external to us. Is that right?

Now, think honestly. How many times did you tell your own name while answering the eight questions at the beginning of this blog? If it was your name for all the eight questions, you are living a life that is highly gratifying. You are astonishingly matured. If you have filled the answer sheet with the names of others, does it mean that you are highly selfless or does it reflect your lack of individuality?

Respect ‘Self’ – It is not wrong to be ‘self’ish

Your ‘self’ began when the journey of your life began. Your ‘self’ has traveled with you during all the ups and downs you have faced in life. Your ‘self’ has compromised many things in life for making others around you happy. Your ‘self’ has striven hard to cope with the pressures of life whenever it had to sacrifice its values and principles to foster relationships. Your ‘self’ has suffered when its love went unacknowledged by people who were ‘self’centric in nature.

If being ‘selfish’ is unacceptable, then why do religions and modern fields like Psychology insist on terminologies like ‘self’ awareness, ‘self’ control, ‘self’ analysis, ‘self development’, ‘self’ seeking, 'self' evaluation, 'self‘ achievement, 'self' awakening, self’ esteem, ‘self’ respect, ‘self criticism’ ‘self’ judgment’, ‘self’ denial, ‘self’ introspection, ‘self’ approval, ‘self’ satisfaction, self loving and many more?

Being ‘self’ish is good as long as the same does not cause any harm to others. If others feel that your focus in your ‘self’ development is harming them, they have to find out ways to get rid of the same. If spending time for others is termed as selflessness, is it not ‘self’ denial when you fail to spend as much time pampering your own mental attributes? Can anyone offer service to the needy mankind when their soul is still searching for the individuality they have lost during their journey? If the terminology ‘peaceful co-existence’ is applicable only to our external world, how will the internal conflict we experience allow us to peacefully co-exist?

You are important. Celebrate your ‘self’

There is no power in this world that is not present in your inner ‘self’. Taking care of ‘self’ is in no way ‘self’ish since the creator created you for being your ‘self’. When people term that you are selfish, think if they require anything from you that they are not getting. If they are terming you selfish because their expectations from you did not materialize, are they being selfish or is it you? It is good to keep others alive as long as you don’t kill yourself for the same. Don’t allow your ‘self’lessness create a ‘self’ destroyer in you.

Think. You are important. Celebrate your individuality. Remember, there is no another ‘you’ in this world. Understand your positives, strengths, capabilities and achievements by allocating enough time to ponder into your ‘self. You can experience inner peace only when you hand shake with your ‘self’. When you let your ‘self’ down, you are allowing your esteem and respect to drain down the gutter. How can you respect others when you don’t know to respect your ‘self’? 

When you take good care of your 'self', the sacrifices and compromises you do doesn't weigh too much on your mental health. Your subconscious remains in a healthy state restraining itself from causing rifts and fights between people every now and then quoting your sacrifices. 

Your ‘self’ is the handbrake for life. Living a life disrespecting your 'self' is like driving through the same without releasing the handbrake.